The most affective person to ever come in my life....

What has happened to me? Why couldn't I see? He's just goanna hurt me again. Why do I always give in? Why couldn't I just resist the temptation? Why couldn't I just have figured this out before he hurt me? Before pain? Before my broken heart. I honestly think nothing can fix it. I don't understand why I would let someone treat me like dirt and never say anything. My freinds all had a bad feeling about him. Why couldn't I listen to them? I know if I cry that that won't affect him. He feels no sarrowness towards me. No care. No love. Just coldness and hate. I never understood why people cut themselves. It just adds to the pain. But in time I realized that sometimes...people have no choice but to cut away at the pain. They think it just ends like that. But it doesn't. Hell is something we all should fear. But what I never understood was,if killing yourself will make all tha pain go away....than why is it considered a sin? I almost have ended my life before. Sad. Why would someone my age be so sad and miserable and go through hell? Why did he have to hurt me. After he said goodbye for the last time,my stomach was hurting. My heart had a pain in it like someone had hammered a nail into it. I felt sick to even think of food....People say writing poetry and stories is a great way to help ease the pain. For me,it's not working. I actually feel kinda bad because people...strangers are reading about my life. The life that no one ever thought I would live. Well,I guess I proved them wrong. I have 2 new cuts. I did it at 4:30 last night. If you are wondering if I am trying to seek attention,I'm not. People go on this website to read interesting things about people's lives. I'm not sure if mine is too interesting. Basically everything I talk about either relates to...him or sadness. So...yeah. Okay it's getting pretty long. I'd better stop or I'll bore you to death.